you’re speaking chinese to me.

if that doesn’t give you insight into the type of experiences employees were exposed to at q, i’m not sure what will. this was said to me by someone who worked in my small department. someone that has been there for double digits. someone i reported to regularly.

hr didn’t help much either.

i got questions like:

“do you think they meant it maliciously?”

“how about you have this conversation with them?”

i ultimately did have this conversation with this person. what would have happened if i didn’t feel comfortable? how would this even pan out? or maybe i wouldn’t have said anything at all….and let this type of behavior continue. i waited almost a week to have this conversation because again i was scared at the time, i was new. this person….knowing what they had done never even approached me to apologize.

overall, the hr department itself is ill-equipped to handle these types of situations. it’s as if you expect sweeping things under the rug actually does anything.

saying that you are a company that values diversity, equity, and inclusion doesn’t mean that the employees you’ve hired practice those values. just like working at a company that says this doesn’t mean you’re less tracist.

make sense?

moving on.

signs like these are all over the dc

these types are littered around the dc. there is also one of Confucius by the super’s area, but i feel you don’t need a photo to know what that looks like. the thing is, these are recent photos. other folx have brought this to the attention of hr for awhile….for me i did as recently as june 2019. you walk miles all day everyday and see this kind of trash.

why?

without adding tons to this post, i’m gonna fast forward to my experience after i got hit and run by a school bus last june.

*** this was also the first day of qbp commuter bike league. i was commuting about 35 miles round trip about four times a week ***

i had multiple appointments to go to and trying to juggle that with limited pto, my workload, and my injuries (emotional/physical) i had multiple 1:1 with my super, but this is probably where it started to go down hill.

“i’m wondering if i made the right hiring decision”

when your shift is 8:30am to 4:30pm it really messes up where you can schedule appointments. especially when you have a super that is constantly on you about “not disrupting workflow.” the very few times i left during the early stages of my recovery were if i was next to tears. otherwise i came to work no matter what.

*** i’ve never had a performance improvement plan, ever at my time at q

as someone that biked a lot i drank lots of water and tea, you know like everyone else. apparently that was too much, and i was leaving my desk too often to get water and use the restroom. my laugh was too loud. my keyboard was too loud. my everything was too loud.

it got to the point where i stopped talking to friends, stopped petting dogs (if any of you know me, i fucking love dogs), and eventually i stopped going down to grab lunch. i literally sat at my desk, too scared to do anything.

there is someone at q that a lot of folx know in our community that straight up asked if everything was okay while we were in the restroom and i said, i couldn’t talk because my super was timing me.

this is real.

the very last 1:1 i had before i just straight up and went down to hr was after my super said to me:

do you want to go back to the warehouse?

this isn’t just a threat, it’s how some employees view folx in the dc. if i went back to the dc i’d be welcomed back with open arms, but a huge part of me because i “made it” would’ve been so disappointed in myself. all of the effort and support from my friends and peers would’ve been for nothing.

where was the *fire department* when an actual fire was in the dc, and they needed help cleaning that up? exposure to burnt product/chemicals, on top of normal dc workload. i’m curious.

after that conversation i decided to speak to hr about it all. this over a period of a few days escalated to the vp of hr. the meeting was set with my super and the vp of hr that same week, and if any of you know me i came prepared. what i didn’t know was that my review was going to be happening during that meeting, too.

let’s be real, the review aspect went super well. outside of a couple hiccups (again never had any performance improvement plans) it was great.

i came to that meeting with an outline. starting out with the importance of the meeting, how i felt that my supervisor may have felt about what was going on with me, then how i felt and what it was doing to me emotionally and physically.

of course i got head nods when i discussed the first part, but when i began to discuss how “not leaving my desk” was affecting me….i was greeted with scoffs and negative body language. i added that as someone that doesn’t reflect the majority of the office setting, i know that when i come and go it’s noticed.

i’ve followed you around when you leave your desk and i don’t know where you go

my supervisor. said this in front of the vp of hr. you know what the vp of hr said after that? nothing. absolutely nothing.

i burst into tears and with what i had left i told both of them that i was resigning effective immediately. i had enough.

this isn’t what we wanted or expected during this conversation….

well fixing anything wasn’t part of it. after i got myself to calm down my super left so it was just the vp of hr and myself.

you know i’ve known them for nine years and that’s just how they are.

i looked at them, took a giant breath, and said, “with all due respect, you cannot keep people like that or allowing this type of behavior to keep happening….”

i was met with silence. i gathered my stuff, didn’t say a word to anyone, and turned in my badge.

this is just the tip of the iceberg. this isn’t including my experience talking with marketing over the surly big easy project, following up with the surly marketing manager months after about a book i had suggested to be greeted with, “i just haven’t had the time.”

thanks for listening.

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